Losing your job is an ever increasing reality these days and aside from the shock and 'what do I do now' thoughts, you are facing telling your kids about the situation. This could be a tough job but it's doable if you stay honest and help to understand what's going on. You're going to have to tell them eventually so it's better to do it early; you'll be spending a lot of time around the house and they are going to want to know why. They're just like everyone else when they're facing change; the first question in their minds is "How does this affect me?".
How you deliver the news is depends on the age of your kids; not just the chronological age but their maturity. Be age specific with the message. I'm addressing those of you with kids over 5-7 years; the younger ones are less affected obviously. If you are a family of Faith (or even if you're not), begin with a prayer for guidance and wisdom.
1. Be honest. For the kids under 11 or so, Daddy or Mommy doesn't work at the office anymore and is looking for a new job. If there is a possibility that a relocation may be in the cards, tell them. I suspect that it's rare that any child is going to say "Great! Where are we moving to?". It's more like a "But, I don't want to move," statement. Depending on how mature your kids are, you have to explain that you, too don't want to move and you'll do everything you can to stay here but we may move. It's little consolation for a stressful situation but the kids will know that you're straight with them.
2. Give them some updates. This is a tough call especially in today's tight job market but if you can say something at the dinner table like, "Kids, I've been in contact with a lot of companies and I'm sure something will happen soon. Just wanted to let you know that it sometimes takes a while to find a new job." You should anticipate the "Will we have to move?" or "Do we have enough money?" questions and be ready to reassure them that you everything is fine for now and you won't know about the rest until you get a real job. Pray a lot.
3. Show them the love. Kids get stressed out, too. Make sure that they know that you're working for the family and you are all going to be alright. It's a good place to have the talk about how life is full of challenges and this is just one that we will over come.
All the best to you and you're in my prayers!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Relocation Tips for the Totally Stressed Out
So the economy is not very good and for whatever reason you're looking at a job that is not where you are. You've gotten a lot more flexible in your new position criteria and it looks like you might have to relocate to get the compensation you need. Welcome to today's life boat and there are plenty of other with you.
Relocation is one of the most stressful commitments you can make. Trust me, I've moved eight times in my career. Big ones, too, to areas where I've never lived and you don't know a single soul except your coworkers or customers. It's big-time stress and it can be the blessing you hope it is or it can go the other way and damage other areas of your life. Hey, I'm no guru but I have a few things for you to think about.
Now this is mainly for families, so if you're single, take the relo and broaden your horizons!
1. Make sure this is the job you want. It seem simple but as the money runs out and you get more desperate it can cloud your judgment. This is a BIG commitment and it will upset your entire life so do a thorough analysis of the job. You'll have to move quickly, too. Employers want your firm answer quickly after you get an offer so do your homework before you have to make a decision.
You like to always think that this will be your last job but it doesn't hurt to think down the line a bit. For example, will the new gig give you exposure other opportunities. This will happen if you move to a larger market where there are more companies looking for talent. But as market size increases so do the living costs and crime rates, amount other things. Big cities, big city problems.
2. Does the area suit you? When I was hiring for a position in Texas (I love Texas by the way, but I don't want to live there) I knew that the candidate had to either already be there or was from there and wanted to go back. It's a great state but the weather can be oppressive; hot and humid in the long summer with biblical thunderstorms and icy and cold in the winter. If you live near the Gulf coast, there's a threat of hurricanes. So the weather in the new location is only one consideration. Consider what is important to you.
3. What is the time line? Of course your new employer will want you to get to work as soon as possible so make sure you communicate with them about your thoughts on how long it will take. If you own a home these days, it's going to take longer to get things going. Remember, in the short term you will be travelling to your new job while your spouse hold down the fort. Be nice when you come home.
Remember too, that as you get closer to moving day your spouse is going to get stuck packing a lot of the stuff just because they want to and regardless of whether it's part of your relo package. It's a LOT of work and you're just in the new location living in a hotel and eating out all the time. At least that what your spouse thinks. Again, be nice when you get home.
4. Don't rush to buy a house in a new area; do it only if you're absolutely convinced that "this is the place." Rent for a while and put your excess stuff into storage. A little simpler life style where you don't have to mow the lawn or fix the leaky faucet will help with the transition.
5. Explore. The new job will give you plenty of time to explore since you won't have any distractions like your spouse, kids, kid's ball games, etc. Really, those things are vitally important and I'm not trivializing them. But you're there alone; use the time learn your way around and see what's going on. If you are attracted to a new area, drive around after work to see what's happening.
Get a good realtor to show you around. I can't stress this enough; they are usually natives and can steer you away from the less desirable areas. And, the best part is it's free. Of course, if someone was your guide and helper be sure to use them to buy a place when you get there. It's only fair.
We liked to shop for a church at the same time. Again, you'll probably have to do this since you'll be stuck at the new location on weekends but it's usually easy to meet some new folks and get advise about the area.
Find some nice restaurant that you and your spouse can use to celebrate the new digs. Remember, be nice!
6. Tell your kids in an age appropriate manner. You should have this discussion as soon as you know the possibility of a move is there. Don't chicken out and if you have teenagers, my prayers are with you. You will be the devil incarnate unless you have a great relationship with them. Say this mantra: "This too will pass. This too will pass."
I've found it best to talk to them about the challenges as well as the good things. A coating of sugar just won't work; they're smarter than you anyway. The old "we need your help because you're part of this" talk is badly needed. The usual chores have to be done, no slacking, if for no other reason but you have to be ready for a realtor to show the house. Being honest goes a long way but at the end of the day, hey, we're moving and we're all in this together.
Coming in for a landing...
With all of this, congratulations on your new job, the new area, and all of the new experiences you are about to have . Try to relax and just put one foot in front of the other. You'll be fine!
Relocation is one of the most stressful commitments you can make. Trust me, I've moved eight times in my career. Big ones, too, to areas where I've never lived and you don't know a single soul except your coworkers or customers. It's big-time stress and it can be the blessing you hope it is or it can go the other way and damage other areas of your life. Hey, I'm no guru but I have a few things for you to think about.
Now this is mainly for families, so if you're single, take the relo and broaden your horizons!
1. Make sure this is the job you want. It seem simple but as the money runs out and you get more desperate it can cloud your judgment. This is a BIG commitment and it will upset your entire life so do a thorough analysis of the job. You'll have to move quickly, too. Employers want your firm answer quickly after you get an offer so do your homework before you have to make a decision.
You like to always think that this will be your last job but it doesn't hurt to think down the line a bit. For example, will the new gig give you exposure other opportunities. This will happen if you move to a larger market where there are more companies looking for talent. But as market size increases so do the living costs and crime rates, amount other things. Big cities, big city problems.
2. Does the area suit you? When I was hiring for a position in Texas (I love Texas by the way, but I don't want to live there) I knew that the candidate had to either already be there or was from there and wanted to go back. It's a great state but the weather can be oppressive; hot and humid in the long summer with biblical thunderstorms and icy and cold in the winter. If you live near the Gulf coast, there's a threat of hurricanes. So the weather in the new location is only one consideration. Consider what is important to you.
3. What is the time line? Of course your new employer will want you to get to work as soon as possible so make sure you communicate with them about your thoughts on how long it will take. If you own a home these days, it's going to take longer to get things going. Remember, in the short term you will be travelling to your new job while your spouse hold down the fort. Be nice when you come home.
Remember too, that as you get closer to moving day your spouse is going to get stuck packing a lot of the stuff just because they want to and regardless of whether it's part of your relo package. It's a LOT of work and you're just in the new location living in a hotel and eating out all the time. At least that what your spouse thinks. Again, be nice when you get home.
4. Don't rush to buy a house in a new area; do it only if you're absolutely convinced that "this is the place." Rent for a while and put your excess stuff into storage. A little simpler life style where you don't have to mow the lawn or fix the leaky faucet will help with the transition.
5. Explore. The new job will give you plenty of time to explore since you won't have any distractions like your spouse, kids, kid's ball games, etc. Really, those things are vitally important and I'm not trivializing them. But you're there alone; use the time learn your way around and see what's going on. If you are attracted to a new area, drive around after work to see what's happening.
Get a good realtor to show you around. I can't stress this enough; they are usually natives and can steer you away from the less desirable areas. And, the best part is it's free. Of course, if someone was your guide and helper be sure to use them to buy a place when you get there. It's only fair.
We liked to shop for a church at the same time. Again, you'll probably have to do this since you'll be stuck at the new location on weekends but it's usually easy to meet some new folks and get advise about the area.
Find some nice restaurant that you and your spouse can use to celebrate the new digs. Remember, be nice!
6. Tell your kids in an age appropriate manner. You should have this discussion as soon as you know the possibility of a move is there. Don't chicken out and if you have teenagers, my prayers are with you. You will be the devil incarnate unless you have a great relationship with them. Say this mantra: "This too will pass. This too will pass."
I've found it best to talk to them about the challenges as well as the good things. A coating of sugar just won't work; they're smarter than you anyway. The old "we need your help because you're part of this" talk is badly needed. The usual chores have to be done, no slacking, if for no other reason but you have to be ready for a realtor to show the house. Being honest goes a long way but at the end of the day, hey, we're moving and we're all in this together.
Coming in for a landing...
With all of this, congratulations on your new job, the new area, and all of the new experiences you are about to have . Try to relax and just put one foot in front of the other. You'll be fine!
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Finally! Objectivity...Forget the Emotion
When there is an important decision to be made in my work or at home I try to take as much emotion out of it and look at what makes the most sense. The Presidential campaign is an example. It's all about emotion; the facts are just inconvenient. Rather than listen to a television news person tell me what they think, I wanted to find out what the truth really is about each person without any spin. So, off on the web search I went.
I found a great website with just the stuff I was looking for. Votesmart.org is the place. Impartial, balanced, "just the facts, ma'am" information without the opinion. When you read the "About Us" tab you find that it's supported by volunteers for all political persuasions and intentionally balanced. If a Republican helps them, a Democrat is also enlisted. Interesting. There are some big names in there as well. Check it out.
The information I was looking for was there for every candidate in every election I could think of including President. Biographies, voting records, issue positions, speeches and public statements verbatim, endorsements, and campaign finance records are all there.
So, let me get to the real meat of this post. I wanted to see who had the resume to be President between Obama and McCain.
I want a leader who has had experience LEADING.
I have hiring responsibility at my work and when I'm looking for someone, there are usually a fair number who could probably do the job due to their aptitude and education, and those who have those prerequisites and have done the job for a while. Our company really isn't a training ground; we need experience right out of the chute and the broader the range of experience, the more life lessons the individual has to draw upon to make their decisions.
A good leader will surround himself with good people whose advise he can trust but ultimately the decisions have to be made by him alone. At that point is where his knowledge and experience, judgement, and instinct guide him to what he believes is the right choice, and there is where there is a glaring difference between the candidates.
When you look objectively at the two candidates, there is no doubt which one has more experience and knowledge of important matters to our country. Put your emotion aside for a while and look at the facts of this important matter.
While you're there, check our your state and local candidates as well and if you like what the folks at Votesmart have done, say thanks with a 10-spot.
I found a great website with just the stuff I was looking for. Votesmart.org is the place. Impartial, balanced, "just the facts, ma'am" information without the opinion. When you read the "About Us" tab you find that it's supported by volunteers for all political persuasions and intentionally balanced. If a Republican helps them, a Democrat is also enlisted. Interesting. There are some big names in there as well. Check it out.
The information I was looking for was there for every candidate in every election I could think of including President. Biographies, voting records, issue positions, speeches and public statements verbatim, endorsements, and campaign finance records are all there.
So, let me get to the real meat of this post. I wanted to see who had the resume to be President between Obama and McCain.
I want a leader who has had experience LEADING.
I have hiring responsibility at my work and when I'm looking for someone, there are usually a fair number who could probably do the job due to their aptitude and education, and those who have those prerequisites and have done the job for a while. Our company really isn't a training ground; we need experience right out of the chute and the broader the range of experience, the more life lessons the individual has to draw upon to make their decisions.
A good leader will surround himself with good people whose advise he can trust but ultimately the decisions have to be made by him alone. At that point is where his knowledge and experience, judgement, and instinct guide him to what he believes is the right choice, and there is where there is a glaring difference between the candidates.
When you look objectively at the two candidates, there is no doubt which one has more experience and knowledge of important matters to our country. Put your emotion aside for a while and look at the facts of this important matter.
While you're there, check our your state and local candidates as well and if you like what the folks at Votesmart have done, say thanks with a 10-spot.
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